Friday, October 7, 2011

I'm Still Here

 OK, I can't see a comment like the last one from the last post and not respond. In response to the comment . . . yes, I am doing OK. Have I been better? Yes. I have been pretty honest and open with my posts so far and won't stop now.

I am an active person and love the challenge of pushing myself just to see how far I can really go. With each race I’ve done, I start out feeling pumped up by the family, friends and even stranger’s cheers and support. When Max passed away, amongst the devastation and a heck of a lot of other feelings, I felt pumped up because of all the support I had. I felt like I could handle the challenge ahead. Like in a race, the crowd fades away and you are left alone to focus on your pace, your physical and mental capabilities, and what it's going to take to cross that finish line. I have been focused, trying to set a good pace for myself and keep a positive perspective. I have been pacing myself through a few expected hills, but just when I thought I had climbed the steepest one by far, when I reached the top, I looked out and saw hill after hill, climb after climb, with short down hills in between. Really?? Is this what I signed up for? I am beginning to realize it's what we have all signed up for. Life is tough. Nobody really has the "perfect life." Everybody is dealing with something. Whether it's self inflicted or just the hand we’re dealt. For everyone, life is full of struggle, sorrow, sadness, and pain. So . . . what do we do? We have to let those up hills make us stronger by learning from them, cherish those joyful exhilarating down hills, and endure to the end.

Am I as carefree and happy as I used to be? Probably not, but I can say that I am stronger. I may still cry when I find a Lego piece on the ground but when I hold my daughters hands or feel my babies kick inside of me or look into my husband’s face; that's when I feel that exhilarating downhill that's going to help me get through the next uphill.




Stay tuned for more living . . .



*Baby bump pics and family updates soon to come!

15 comments:

Ann said...

An honest post. I am continually inspired by you & how you climb your hills.

Megan said...

Very honest & inspiring.

JenJen said...

Love it. A very open and honest post. Thank you girl!. Can't to hear more about what is going on with you and the family. Love you and miss everyone.

ERK, MRK, & GRK said...

We have been thinking so much about you and your darling family! We miss you guys!

Katie Waldron said...

I think of you almost every day. Love you to pieces. You are so blessed with a loving family & friends. We are all here cheering you on. Can't wait to see you soon!!!
xoxo

Meghann said...

I feel so much love and hope for you all. Thank you for not being afraid to tell it how it is, it gives me courage not to be afraid of the uphills.

Unknown said...
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Brooke said...

You are most definitely inspiring to the rest of us. Thank you for the honesty. Looking forward to seeing your baby bump!

April said...

Love getting to know you and your fam, I think of you often and I enjoy our walks on the trail. Can't wait to hold those babies and reflect on how fast time has gone with my twins!

Anonymous said...

I loved this post! You inspire me to be grateful for everything and everyone I have. I always check your blog before work because you challenge me to be a better me. Thank you.

Emily said...

Love you. Thanks for always being on my sidelines!

Christina said...

It's been five years out for me for my "trial" or "hand dealt my way"--its true--once things settle down--it is THEN you truly see what you are made of.

You also learn we do what we can to "endure to the end" but learning to "endure it well" is such a different story! Some days I endure it "well" and others "not so much"--but I figure if 90% of my time is spent enduring "well"--im totally good right!? HA

Still cheering for you and your family--

Burt Fam said...

Thank you for the kind comment on our blog. It came at the perfect time, actually, and though I don't know you, your words were a true comfort. It was also the push I needed to get through today -- our two-week mark (how is it that two weeks can seem so long and so fast all at once?).

You have a beautiful family; thank you for sharing your experience with the masses. It's nice to be reminded that I am not alone in this kind of grief. POsted on this particular post because it, too, was just what I needed to hear. A very heartfelt thanks. Best wishes for a great day.

Deb said...

Keep fighting the good fight and know you have a grip of family and friends who love and support you guys :)

Anonymous said...

You are amazing!