Monday, May 16, 2011

Mother's Day Part 2

I love how my mom is holding my hands in this picture.

OK, so I was gearing up for Mother's Day; trying to keep my emotions in check and get through the holiday with my my beautiful children in my mind and a smile on my face. I had really good intentions. Really really good intentions. I was going to prove to myself that I could handle it and that I really have progressed in this last roller coaster of a year. Then . . . I got sick. I wont go into details but I was stuck in bed and felt horrible. Not a good combination with everything going on. I felt emotionally worn down, physically exhausted and combined with the holiday, I was struggling. So what do you do when something like this happens? We all have trials. I don't think we can escape life without them. So what do you do when things get you so down you don't feel like coming up? I was accompanied in my bed with my sickness and my thoughts and after a lot of crying I realized that it's up to me. Somebody can come in and give me some medicine for my body but I'm the only one in charge of my thoughts and emotions. It's up to me . . . it's up to us. Of course God will be there to help us along the way, but it's our choice how we handle our situations. It's our choice how we deal with our emotions. Are we going to just go through the motions and let life pass us by or are we going to fight for what we want? My kids need a mom, my husband needs a wife, I need to feel like myself. I think those are great things to fight for. Maybe not even fighting, maybe it's just caring. Maybe it's if we stop caring and loving . . . maybe that's when we give up. If love is the most powerful emotion, why not have it on our side? Love will give us the strength to fight for what we have and want.

Here are some highlights of my Mother's Day.

Flowers from my sweet husband

Sweet cards from my girls

and sweet memories of my son Max, June 2010.

Stay tuned for more living . . .


Meghann said...

You are a courageous woman! I've had moments in my life when all I've felt was darkness and I found myself wondering if I'd ever feel the light I was hoping for again. Those were painfully hard moments. I admire your positive & optimistic attitude. I have great faith in your ability to fight this battle and know angels will attend you as you do!

Those flowers and cards are Beautiful!!! So is that sweet boy!

David said...

A couple of the best moms in the world, right there in that pic. The amazing, thoughtful and love-filled mothering that helped shape Max, will continue with your two beautiful daughters. "Aunt Leanne" has four boys in Vegas that she will have a great influence on. Love you, sis.

Vicki said...

My heart hurts for you! I also lost my boy. I felt all of the same feelings and one day, I realized that my Jordan would be so sad to see me so sad, that was my turning point. I pray for you and your family so much. Baby steps until your heart can carry itself.

Ali said...

That was an amazing post. I absolutely loved Abby's make the best pizza and are good at backflips. I love kids. Your girls are so sweet and beautiful. I am glad you got through the day, I sent prayers your way. I hope you are feeling better. love ya girl!!

Shalece said...

My heart hurts for you. Literally.You don't even know me, but I have followed your blog when I first heard about your trials. But I find strength is your courage to fight for happiness and recovery. But don't forget that time is a part of that equation! Prayers and love are with you. And like someone mentioned, I believe that angels will attend you!! When you feel like you are down and unable to get up, angels will be there to lift you. Lots of love from So Cal.

Christina said...

im not a fan of trials...that are just plain hard!

im learning that some days are good, some days are bad, and some days are just ugly---im learning its okay to go through each of those days--but learning to wake up everyday and do what needs to be done is progressing.
im learning to wake up to hope & faith for what is to come after this life-
you are right though--my children still need a mommy, my husband still needs a wife-and i still need to be ME--
ps: my oldest just walked into my office and saw max's photo and said "oh i cant look at his sweet face--i will cry!" --your family has touched mine--HUGS

Megs said...

This is a beautiful post and a beautiful reminder. Love is worth caring about and fighting for. We all have trials and it's how we choose to endure them that becomes the hardest part sometimes. You are truly inspiring.

Michele said...

I love seeing you -- even if it's across the AquaZone! You always exude love, caring and grace - and make me want to be better. I can't imagine the pain that must be with you which is why your fighting for your family and choosing love is so powerful and inspiring. Max is cheering for you, the rest of your family is cheering for you, and countless other people (like me) that you've touched are out there cheering for you too.
By the way, that daughter of yours has a smile that can light up the whole park, wow!