Friday, November 5, 2010

Simple

Dear Max,

From the day you were born, you were an inspiration to me. The first smile was inspiring. Your first laugh was magical. Your first word was like heaven singing in my ears. As you grew up, I saw that life for you was simple. For me, life with you was simply inspiring. I remember at the airport, it was early, you had some crazy blond bed head but your blue eyes were filled with excitement and anticipation of seeing your cousins and extended family. How could we have ever guessed that only hours later we would be saying our last goodbyes? We couldn't have, but in that airport something special happened. We sat down near our departure gate and I saw you take out of your pocket, not a DS to play alone, but a small bag of marbles and a string. You gathered your sisters and patiently taught them to play. Other kids gathered to watch, then you invited them to play. Parents and elderly couples gathered and were smiling. Soon they were clapping and cheering you all on. One elderly gentleman, remembering his childhood marble playing days, was giving you tips on the best way to shoot a marble. I can still see the look on your face as you took in your surroundings of strangers coming together and enjoying each other. Your face was content and pleased with the outcome. Laughter, joy, happiness; all because of a boy and a bag of marbles. I was so proud of you Max. You were happy when you won but it didn't compare to the happiness you showed when Abby won that last game before we boarded the plane. When I saw that, my heart almost couldn't hold the feelings of love I felt for you in that moment. It is a feeling and a moment I will keep forever. That bag of marbles and piece of string is a token of the way you lived your life. . . Simple. The scriptures say "... by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Your life is a testament of that scripture. I miss you Max. Everything about you. No words can describe how much I miss you. At times, I just don't know what to do with myself. The unanswered question I ask myself multiple times a day, How can I still be a mother to a son that is no longer here?, has haunted me. I think back to when I was pregnant with you. I wondered how I would know how to be a great mother. When the doctor placed you, my precious Max, in my arms, the answer was simple, all I had to do was love you and the rest would fall into place. Tonight, thinking of you, I am reminded that the answer to my question now, is just as simple. All I have to do is love you and the rest will fall into place. Max, the best part about it is, that loving you is simply the easiest thing in the world for me to do and I will do it forever.

Your ever loving mommy,

Leanne




I hope you're watching Max,
beacause we are living. . .
for you.

Stay tuned for more living

19 comments:

The Leeds Family said...

I am Brooke Blackham's oldest sister and have checked in on your blog every few weeks to see how you guys are doing. I have been so touched by your family. Again, I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss and cannot even fathom the range of emotions you must be feeling or the depth of your grief. I do know that you and your family and beautiful Max are so inpiring. I am inspired of your strong faith. Your family has made me hug my 3 girls a little more and a little tighter. I cherish each and every moment with all of them, knowing that in an instant life and change. You and your family are still in our prayers and hope that you are able to find some peace each day. Your Max is truly an amazing example. What a wonderful and sweet reunion it will be one day for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your beautiful family.
Love,
The Leeds Family

Erinn said...

Leanne, your words are always inspiring. What a lucky boy Max is to have you forever.

Ann said...

After our walk and talk on your beautiful beach yesterday I found myself thinking a lot about Max today. I can picture the scene you paint at the airport because I saw it played out in so many different scenarios during the ten years he was with us. The love Max felt for everyone around him radiated from his bright blue eyes and drew everyone to him. "And a child shall lead them" and he does...

Kimberly said...

Simple and very, very sweet.

Sorry about the phone tag this week. Let's talk soon. Love you guys!

Megs said...

Simple & Beautiful. Thank you for your continuing example.

Harris Family said...

Amazing!! Your family is amazing! We love you!

Steve and Jeri May said...

A mother's love is rich, warm, and encompassing. We are blessed to be able to love that way. I believe some how-some way Max is watching...and so many others as well.

I send our love and admiration to each of you.

Rhonda Riley said...

Love you guys~

Nathan said...

Such an inspiring story, but not surprising at all. Max's love for others was endless. We saw him extend the same love to our boys and others, over and over again.

He's definitely watching...and still spreading love with everyone he meets.

Clint, Mel & Kids said...

What a wonderful memory! I wish we had been able to know Max. Luckily, I guess he's part of our eternal family too and we will get to know him.

Katie Waldron said...

I love you Leanne. Thank you for being such a wonderful mother- I look to you as an amazing example. Thank you for being such good friends to us. We love you guys so much. The marble story made me think of when we played Bananagrams with Max one night- he was on fire! Love that kid.

*megan said...

Beautiful... just beautiful Leanne. So glad to call you sister. So happy to know Max on earth. So excited to see him again and thank him for inspiring me.

Anonymous said...

Just beautiful.

As I've stated before, I never knew Max but I love reading these stories about him so I can get a glimpse of who he was.

And now the baby picture...so beautiful and precious! The very beginning of the gift that was his life.

I really, REALLY wish I could have known him.

-Lisa Chavez Barlow

The Francis Family said...

Thanks for sharing another memory of Max. It's a simple thing, but thinking about him makes me want to be fun. He is missed by so many. I'm sure you are making him proud too.

Meiken said...

Beautiful story of a beautiful boy. Love you Leanne.

Michele said...

I love this story and I love, love, love, the way you love Max. I know Max loves you just as deeply and completely and is so proud of the way you are fighting for your families happiness every day. Beautiful!

Christina said...

love--simple & pure

still cheering for you!

Ye Stewart Clan said...

Leanne,
Just got caught up on the past 2 months of your blog. Your blog is so therapeutic for me. My dad died unexpectedly this year on June 16th and it has been really hard for our family. How strange that we were able to reconnect right before such tragic events. I am so glad we did because you are reminding me that I am not the only one to experience sorrow and that our loved ones in heaven would not want us to dwell in sadness all the time but to live life to the fullest. We never know when any of us will leave. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. But I know that they are with us. And I don't mean that as a cliche, I mean it literally. Even if we don't recognize it.
Thank you so much for disclosing in such a personal way what your family is going through because you have really helped me cope with my own trials.
Love you Leanne!

AndyPandyJackaDandy said...

I think I cry during every post--not because of the underlying tragedy, but because of the way you so eloquently express your love for Max and the wonderful person he was. As it's been said so many times, you really are inspiring--for your honesty, the beautiful way you have been handling this, and for your obvious love for your child. Thank you again for reminding me to love above all else.