Friday, November 5, 2010

Simple

Dear Max,

From the day you were born, you were an inspiration to me. The first smile was inspiring. Your first laugh was magical. Your first word was like heaven singing in my ears. As you grew up, I saw that life for you was simple. For me, life with you was simply inspiring. I remember at the airport, it was early, you had some crazy blond bed head but your blue eyes were filled with excitement and anticipation of seeing your cousins and extended family. How could we have ever guessed that only hours later we would be saying our last goodbyes? We couldn't have, but in that airport something special happened. We sat down near our departure gate and I saw you take out of your pocket, not a DS to play alone, but a small bag of marbles and a string. You gathered your sisters and patiently taught them to play. Other kids gathered to watch, then you invited them to play. Parents and elderly couples gathered and were smiling. Soon they were clapping and cheering you all on. One elderly gentleman, remembering his childhood marble playing days, was giving you tips on the best way to shoot a marble. I can still see the look on your face as you took in your surroundings of strangers coming together and enjoying each other. Your face was content and pleased with the outcome. Laughter, joy, happiness; all because of a boy and a bag of marbles. I was so proud of you Max. You were happy when you won but it didn't compare to the happiness you showed when Abby won that last game before we boarded the plane. When I saw that, my heart almost couldn't hold the feelings of love I felt for you in that moment. It is a feeling and a moment I will keep forever. That bag of marbles and piece of string is a token of the way you lived your life. . . Simple. The scriptures say "... by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Your life is a testament of that scripture. I miss you Max. Everything about you. No words can describe how much I miss you. At times, I just don't know what to do with myself. The unanswered question I ask myself multiple times a day, How can I still be a mother to a son that is no longer here?, has haunted me. I think back to when I was pregnant with you. I wondered how I would know how to be a great mother. When the doctor placed you, my precious Max, in my arms, the answer was simple, all I had to do was love you and the rest would fall into place. Tonight, thinking of you, I am reminded that the answer to my question now, is just as simple. All I have to do is love you and the rest will fall into place. Max, the best part about it is, that loving you is simply the easiest thing in the world for me to do and I will do it forever.

Your ever loving mommy,

Leanne




I hope you're watching Max,
beacause we are living. . .
for you.

Stay tuned for more living