Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Forever Our Max

Dear Max,

When I was a little girl I dreamed about finding my soul mate, marrying him and having a family. I couldn’t wait for it all to begin. After I found your daddy and we were married I couldn’t wait to carry the title of mother. I would sit on the beach while daddy surfed and would write in my journal about one day becoming the greatest mommy the world has seen and about all the fun things I would do with my kids. I would even sketch pictures of me with a baby in my arms.

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I called your daddy and told him to meet me at the beach. He sat next to me and I told him the incredible news. The happiness in both our hearts was as big as the ocean. We spent the next while watching the waves at Wind and Sea and talking about the greatness that was about to come upon us and how awesome it was going to be to be parents.

Right after you were born, I felt like they had just placed a piece of Heaven in my arms. I looked into your pure blue eyes and knew that God had given me something so special that words couldn’t even begin to describe. When I saw Daddy’s face looking at you, it was as if you were the thing he had been waiting for his whole life, a piece in our puzzle that fit so perfectly. It was instant love. The way he looked at you made me fall in love with him all over again. It was then and there that I discovered what joy and happiness really is. Every day I shared with you Max were days of pure joy and happiness.

There isn’t one thing I would change about our life together. I took you in Max, all of you. Every day I would drink in your smile, devour your hugs and awe at you wisdom and love of life and people. I gave you everything a mother could and it was as easy as breathing. But Max, you gave me more. You gave me so much more. I want you to know how profoundly proud I am of you. You did it! You did what all of us are trying so hard to do. It was like it was a simple thing for you to do. You led a righteous life and made it back to live with our Father in Heaven. I know in my heart….with all that I am….that He is pleased with the life you led here on earth. I love you so much Max. I will miss seeing your magical face and holding my sweet boy in my arms but I know that you are always in my heart and I will one day be with you again.

Love,
Your forever loving mommy,
Leanne

24 comments:

Kamalyn Luke said...

Leanne,
We don't know each other but we share a mutual friend, Christina. I have been SO touched by your story and blog and just wanted you to know that I've thought a lot about you and hope you're being comforted in this time of loss. I have 2 boys 5 & 7 and couldn't imagine dealing with your earthly loss of Max. You WILL be with Max again and get to look at him and hold him in your arms and have him forever a part of your family. I know this to be true as you do.

Take care, love,
Kamalyn Luke

Megs said...

What a beautiful post. Your family has truly been a source of strength & inspiration during this time & we want you to know how much we love you all.

- Tim & Megan Gelter

ginger said...

Leanne- My heart is aching for you. We are keeping you all in our prayers.

andrewanderinn said...

This sweet letter brings tears to my eyes. I try everyday to devour my time with little Eliot. I want to be a great MOM like you, Leanne.

Melissa said...

What a wonderful mother you are leanne. I have witnessed the sweet spirit that you are and I can see just by the words that you are a wonderful mother also. I find inspiration in you to be a better mother to my children, and I hope that I can strive to get there. I love your family. Love Melissa!

Kevin said...

You're one amazing woman! What a beautiful uplifting post! My life will forever be changed from your families journey here on earth! We just had our own sweet little boy last month, and we named him Max. We remembered your sweet little blonde hair boy, and knew we picked a good name! Know that we're thinking of you guys & you're in our prayers! Love, Kevin & Amy Leishman

KaDee said...

We're still thinking of you and praying for your family.

morganmoore said...

So beautiful Leanne. I'm so glad you took the time to write it out. Max is one lucky boy to have you as his Mama.

xoxo

Harris Family said...

Leanne,

I am so glad you posted this letter. It was seriously one of the most amazing letter's I have ever heard. I continue to pray for your family. I hope that you are feeling the saviors loving arms wrapped around you.

We love your family,

Shelly and Dave

Rachael said...

My Mom told me about this letter & I am so glad you posted it. You are such a strong woman and such an example to me!

Carlson Clan said...

Such an amazing letter. I am in awe at your strength. Your situation has forever changed my life and made me try even harder to be a better mom and soak in every second I have with my kids. Thank you for sharing.
Love, Jen

Brooke said...

I don't think there is a more amazing woman than YOU Leanne! You're my inspiration, thank you for being such a wonderful example of what a mother should be! We love you!!!

Tara said...

So beautiful, you are an amazing example of an engaged and adoring mamma.

Nathan said...

I'm glad you posted this Leanne. Your words and example have touched many people. My heart still aches with sadness, especially for you and Ryan. But how fortunate we are to know of God's Plan of Happiness.

Sage said...

Thanks for sharing this beautiful letter. You so capably described the love you felt at Max's birth as your family was created. Your example of enjoying every moment inspires me.

We are praying for your family. (I am Ann's friend)

Bart and Misty Brimhall said...

Leanne, your letter is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. My heart aches for your loss, but thank heaven's for the truthfulness of the gospel and the knowledge we have of being an eternal family. God bless you.

Jenn Levanger said...

Leanne I am Penny's (Greg) daughter and I wanted you to know how much this story has touched our family. Your family has been and will continue to be in our prayers. May Heavenly Father's spirit continue to rest upon your family, Jenn Levanger

Meghann said...

Leanne, thank you for sharing this. By reading this you have reminded me of so many true principals for living a happy life guided by faith in our Heavenly Father. We continue to pray for you. Lots of Love,
~ Meghann Gelter~ Aaron's wife

Debra said...

Leanne, Thank you for sharing your message to Max! I am sure it helps to write and talk about him every day. I have to say I think of your family every day and in my heart know that you will all be alright. I just wanted you to know that I have slightly envied your family as long as I have know you (I just think you are one of the coolest families I have ever met) and with everything that I hear from your family since Max's passing, I still believe your family is such an uplifting family and is meant to be here on earth to teach us many lessons. So for that, THANK YOU!And you are in my heart daily! Debbie Smith

Celine + Cameron said...

Leanne,
You are such an amazing example to me of what a mother should be. Thank you for sharing your beautiful letter.

AndyPandyJackaDandy said...

You are such an amazing woman. I've always admired your mommy-ness, but this took it to a whole new level for me. Thank you for reminding me to focus on what's really important in being a mother.

Granny Robin said...

Max is a beautiful boy. I'm sorry I missed knowing him. I'm thankful to know you and will always love your family.

Shay said...

Beautiful Leanne. I am so inspired by your strength and courage. You and Ryan are such an amazing team. I feel blessed to be able to call you family. Love you all.

Kelli Dix said...

Hi Leanne,
I just wanted to tell you that I have been thinking about your family...I have been wanting to send you an email or a card with my sincerest apologies for your loss..for awhile now. Tonight I got the courage to really go through your blog ( I say courage, because I knew many tears would be shed) I am very inspired by your example. Thank you for your perspective. You have such a strong spirit....I am so grateful that you have taken the time to write down some of your feelings....thank you for helping me see the kind of mom I want to be...you are an amazing person. I am so sad for your family...my prayers will continue to be with you and all the Harris clan...
Kelli (Corbin) Dix